Being Poor in Spirit While Rich in Things!!

As Americans, we live in the richest nation in the world. So, the idea of being poor in spirit while being surrounded with degrees of material prosperity and opulence that relatively few have ever enjoyed, presents us with both an extraordinary challenge and opportunity that can either prove to be powerful or destructive depending on how we choose to respond to it. So, we need to ask, “How are we supposed to be poor in spirit while being rich in things?”

First, we must understand what the phrase poor in spirit means. This phrase is found in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:3).  It is the first of the eight beatitudes that all begin with blessed, which means literally “happy, fortunate or blissful.”

We need to understand the actual meaning of these words. The word poor comes from the Greek word that means “to shrink, cower or cringe,” as beggars often did in that day.  Classical Greek used the word to refer to a person who was reduced to total destitution. One who was crouched in the corner begging, with one hand reaching out and the other covering his face in shame. This term is not just used to simply mean poor, but begging poor.  This is the same word that is used in Luke 16:20 to describe Lazarus.

The Greek word normally used for poverty is a different word entirely and is used to describe the poor widow Jesus observed giving her offering at the Temple.  She had very little, but she still had two small copper coins (Luke 21:2). The words “in spirit” focus not on material poverty, but on spiritual poverty.  In the same way that people are begging poor materially, here Jesus is describing begging poor spiritually.

Being poor in spirit comes when we recognize our total spiritual destitution and our complete dependence on God. There is no saving resource in us.  There is nothing that we can offer of value.  We are left begging poor and our only recourse is to reach out our sin-sick hands and beg God for mercy and grace.

The story of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18:10-14 niv is the classic contrast between one who was rich in spirit and one who was poor in spirit.  Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

We do not like the idea of admitting that we are poor in spirit.  It is contrary to our human nature.  We fight against acknowledging it. A good example of this resistance to admit a poverty of spirit is found in the great hymn “At the Cross.”  It has a line in the first verse that says, “Should He devote that sacred head for such a worm as I?”  David uses this term “worm” in one of his Messianic Psalms (22:6) niv “But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people.” So, this term is a biblically inspired word describing Jesus on the cross.

However, the thought of being a worm is so repulsive in our modern culture that most current hymnals have changed the original words to the song from “for such a worm as I” to “for such a one as I” or “for sinners such as I.” We just do not like to admit that we are spiritual worms.  But in contrast to the holiness of God, a worm is a very accurate description of where we stand with God spiritually.

The joy of it all is that God so loved us worms that He sent His son to redeem us so we could experience a spiritual metamorphosis and be changed from a worm to a son.

So, being poor in spirit is not about how God views me or even how other people view me, it is about how I view me.

The best way to understand what poor in spirit means is to look at how men viewed their own spiritual “richness” when they came into the presence of God.

Isaiah said, “Woe to me… I am a man of unclean lips”(Isaiah 6:5 nasb).
Gideon said, “O Lord, how shall I deliver Israel? Behold, my family is the least in Manasseh, and I am the youngest in my father’s house. (Judges 6:15 nasb).
Jeremiah said, “Behold, I do not know how to speak, because I am a youth”(Jeremiah 1:6 nasb).
Moses said, “Who am I” (Exodus 3:11 nasb).
David said, “Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?”(II Samuel 7:18 esv).
Peter said, “Depart from me; for I am a sinful man” (Luke 5:8 nkjv).
Paul said, “I am the foremost of all (sinners)”(I Timothy 1:15 nasb).
Poverty of spirit is a personal awareness and recognition before God that there is nothing in us or about us that warrants any sense of self-sufficiency or spiritual “richness” that might be applied to our credit.  We are all at our core begging poor spiritually.

St. Francis de Sales wrote a book entitled, “Introduction to the Devout Life,” [trans. John K. Ryan (Garden City, NY: Doubleday Image Books, 1972, pp. 161-167)] that is a series of hypothetical letters to a new convert he calls Philothea (“Lover of God”).  In one of his letters de Sales addresses the issue of material possessions and the attitude a Christian who is poor in spirit ought to have towards them. His counsel is quite profound especially since it was written over 400 years ago.

“Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.”  Accursed, then, are the rich in spirit for the misery of hell is their portion.

A man is rich in spirit if his mind is filled with riches or set on riches.  The kingfisher shapes its nest like an apple, leaving only a little opening at the top, builds it on the seashore, and makes it so solid and tight that although waves sweep over it the water cannot get inside.  Keeping always on the top of the waves, they remain surrounded by the sea and are on the sea, and yet are masters of it.

The Poverty of Spirit to be Observed in the Midst of Riches

Your heart, dear Philothea, must in like manner be open to heaven alone and impervious to riches and all other transitory things.  Whatever part of them you may possess, you must keep your heart free from the slightest affection for them.  Always keep it above them and while it may be surrounded by riches it remains apart from riches and master over them.  Do not allow this heavenly spirit to become captive to earthly goods.  Let it always remain superior to them and over them, not in them.

There is a difference between having poison and being poisoned.  Pharmacists keep almost every kind of poison in stock for use on various occasions, yet they are not themselves poisoned because they merely have it in their shops and not in their bodies.  So also you can possess riches without being poisoned by them if you merely keep them in your home and purse and not in your heart…

Unfortunately, Philothea, no one is ready ever to admit that he is avaricious (“has an insatiable greed for riches”).  Everyone denies having so base and mean a heart.  One man excuses himself on the score that he has to take care of his children – that this fact puts him under obligation to them, and that prudence requires that he be a man of property.  He never has too much; he always finds need for more.

The most avaricious men not only deny they are avaricious but even think in their conscience they are not such.  Avarice is a raging fever that makes itself all the harder to detect the more violent and burning it is.

Moses saw the sacred fire that burned but did not consume the bush.  On the contrary, avarice is a profane, unholy fire that both consumes and devours but does not consume an avaricious man…

How to Practice Genuine Poverty Although Really Rich

Dear Philothea, I would like to instill into your heart both wealth and poverty together, that is, great care and also great contempt for temporal things.

Have greater care than the worldly men do to make your property profitable and fruitful.  Princes’ gardeners are more careful and faithful in cultivating and beautifying the gardens in their charge than if they were their own property.  Why is this?  Undoubtedly it is because they see the gardens as the property of princes and kings to whom they want to make themselves acceptable by their services.

Philothea, our possessions are not our own.  God has given them to us to cultivate and He wants us to make them fruitful and profitable.  Hence we perform an acceptable service by taking good care of them.  It must be a greater and finer care than that which worldly men have for their property.  They labor only out of self-love and we must labor out of love of God…

Therefore let us exercise this gracious care of preserving and even of increasing our temporal goods whatever occasions present themselves as so far as our condition in life requires, for God desires us to do so out of love for Him  But be on guard so that self-love does not deceive you.  Sometimes it counterfeits the love of God so closely that one might say it is the same thing.  In order that it may not trick you and that care of temporal possessions may not degenerate to avarice…we must practice real poverty in the midst of all the goods and riches God has given us.

Frequently give up some of your property by giving it with a generous heart to the poor.  To give away what we have is to impoverish ourselves in proportion as we give, and the more we give the poorer we become… until such time as God shall restore it to us we remain the poorer in the amount we have given.  Oh, how holy and how rich is the poverty brought on by giving alms!

There are two “ditches” on each side of this narrow road of being poor in spirit while being rich in things that must be avoided.  One ditch to avoid is not letting our material possessions deceive us into becoming rich in spirit – thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought (Romans 12:3). The other ditch to avoid is not letting our lack of material possessions deceive us into concluding that having material possessions is somehow carnal and unspiritual – leading us to becoming rich in spirit because we have little.

The centerline on this road, simply stated, is to be spiritually poor while being materially generous. So, the more begging poor we become spiritually and the richer and more generous we become materially, the more useful we will become to His Majesty, the King.

So Why Do People Fight? Evolutionary Theory and the Causes of War

The causes of war remain a strangely obscure subject in the discipline of International Relations. Although the subject is of cardinal significance, theories of International Relations address it only obliquely, and most scholars in the field recognize the lacuna only when their attention is drawn to it. While people have a good idea of the aims that may motivate states to go to war, an attempt at a strict definition of them is widely regarded as futile. This article seeks to show how the various causes of violence and war all come together and are explained within an integrated human motivational complex, shaped by evolution and natural selection. These interconnected causes of fighting — some of them confusedly singled out by various schools in IR theory, most notably within realism — include competition over resources and reproduction, the ensuing quest for dominance, the security dilemma and other prisoner’s dilemmas that emanate from the competition, kinship, identity, and ideas.

The Relationship Between Man And The Natural World

While the starting point of any reformative transformation stems from the will of the individual human being, this reform is reflected in the way that man deals with her/himself as part of nature, and deals with the natural world as part of her/himself. By reaching this stage of awareness, the oneness of Allah means for her/him the oneness of life.

The unity of life is very apparent concept in the Islamic teachings:

Glory to Allah, Who created in pairs all things that the earth produces, as well as their own (human) kind and (other) things of which they have no knowledge (HQ: 36: 33- 36).

There is not an animal (that lives) on the earth, nor a being that flies on its wings, but (forms part of) communities like you. Nothing have We omitted from the Book, and they (all) shall be gathered to their Lord in the end (HQ: 6: 38).

That is, all creatures are coming from one origin and returning to that origin. To Allah everything returns. Therefore, all creatures belong to one another.

Unity of life should be brought to man's awareness always because it represents an aspect of experiencing the oneness of Allah. According to this principle, man builds her/his relationship with nature, and with her/his fellow man. In her/his way to fulfill her/his earthly needs, s/he should not violate that principle.

Fulfilling her/his needs is not a simple response as it is in the animal kingdom. It is related to complex sets of relationships, between man and the natural kingdom (animals, birds and plants), between her/him and her/himself (is s/he greedy or self – controlled?), between her/him and her/his fellow human beings (with whom s/he shares and to whom s/he provides) and between her/him and the society where s/he should respect others’ ownership and privacy.

While her/his ultimate goal is to be a Servant of Allah, s/he should start her/his earthly journey, using the gifts that would make achieving that goal possible. Man, as a vicegerent of Allah, should behave out of this understanding, and strive to be worthy of that rank. He should be just to himself by being just to everything in the world; not to destroy a plant, shoot birds for pleasure, hurt an animal. S/he should respect life everywhere. The respect of life went to the extent that The Prophet (PBUH) advised believers to continue planting even if they foresee the coming of Doomsday.glossary

This respect of the unity of life serves two purposes, it emphasizes humans’ awareness of the Divine Law and its manifestations and, as such, encourages man to seek understanding of the Divine Law within the natural world. Out of this understanding, science develops. On the other hand, it creates an awesome feeling within man's heart, observing the Creator within His own creatures. Out of this inner interaction, art comes through.

… whithersoever ye turn, there is Allah's countenance. (HQ: 2:115).

As vicegerent of Allah, man is asked to build and invest not to destroy or mischief

Allah loveth not mischief (HQ: 2: 205).

Out of respect to Allah's creations, man should think and try to understand the relationship between the natural phenomena and to be aware not to misuse the natural gifts.

Man's Physical Body
As Part of the Natural World



Man's responsibility for her/his physical body is interrelated to her/his responsibility towards nature. To take care of her/his health and well-being can be accomplished without aggression on the natural world:

So eat and drink of the sustenance provided by Allah. And do no evil nor mischief on the (face of the) earth (HQ:2:60).

We are supposed to deal with our own body as part of the natural world. Therefore, we have to take care of it and fulfill its requirements without being indulged in its desires and lusts.

The Prophet (PBUH) says,

“It is enough for the child of Adam to feed her/himself with an amount of food that keeps her/him going" (PH).

Narrated by Ahmed, and Al Tirmidhi

In order to achieve the required balance, we need to remove the contradictions that exist between the earthly requirements and the spiritual longing. Therefore, we have to be aware that our physical existence is a gift from Allah that we should be thankful for, and that taking care of our body is a sacred task and an expression of gratitude to our Creator. In other words, our body acquires its importance as a tool through which our spirit expresses itself. It is understood that Allah provides us with instincts to keep our survival on earth. Assured that we are here for a purpose and that each of us has a mission, we should then try fulfilling our mission through this physical existence and take care of this tool.

In order to fulfill our physical needs we come across the natural world. For example, in order to survive, we need to eat. The teachings of Islam came to include a divine dimension with the way that man fulfills her/his needs. The general rule is that man was advised to say "in the name of Allah", before any action s/he intends to do. That statement stands as a continuous reminder that we have to be up to the meaning of the divine words that we utter. The implication is, we become tools in the hand of the Divine and we do what we do in His name. Out of respect to Allah who gives us that position, we should not exceed our limits, and we should always make a balance between satisfying our needs and protecting the natural resources.

Because all revelations natural and prophetic, including the teachings of Muhammad (PBUH) , respect Life in all its manifestations, it is understandable why killing an animal for consumption becomes a problem in some non-prophetic revelations. However, this seeming paradox between respecting life in all its manifestations and using animal as human food is resolved in Islam. The belief in the oneness of life and the unity of all its aspects implies that eating the meat of animal’s means that the life of the animal nourishes the life of man, and as such this animal's soul is blessed by moving to a higher level of existence. As such slaughtering animals for food consumption is allowed but according to certain values and regulations that reflect the oneness of all.glossary

During the act of the slaughtering the person must pray for the animal soul by saying "in the name of Allah. Allah is Great". Man is addressing the soul and asking it to surrender to Allah's will. The act of slaughtering should be done with a very sharp knife and directed to the neck nerve quickly without hesitation, that is, to minimize the animal's or the bird’s pain. This act should never ever be done in the presence of another animal(s), not to scare them. There is a clear order that the animals that are slaughtered without following those procedures, their meat is forbidden to eat. And it is considered a sinful action for its doer.

We, thus, have to be careful, and not to indulge ourselves in any sabotaging actions. We become more and more aware of the inner connection that ties us, humans, to the whole. With a growing awareness of that connection, we become more balanced. To be in balance requires a continuous self-observation and be open to the inspiration of Revelations without being fanatic and literal.

In other words, while man's search for satisfying her/his physical needs are considered "naturally legitimate", fulfilling those needs should be in harmony with the objective of creation. In fulfilling those needs, s/he humanizes them by elevating them from the instinctive animalistic level to meaningful responses that are purely human. While so doing, s/he is not causing harm to other aspects of life, rather helping them also fit into the purpose of their existence.

The teachings of Islam mean to facilitate man's life, and not to complicate it. For example, it would be impossible for people who live in deserts to live without depending on the sheep products. This is one of the reasons that meat is allowed. In our modern time, we came also to realize that meat and animal products provide the human body with essential amino acids that are not supplemented through other food resources.

Facilitating man's life goes to allow in certain circumstances what is forbidden otherwise. If man is obliged to eat forbidden food to survive, s/he is encouraged to do so:

But if one is forced by necessity, without wilful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits, then is he guiltless. For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (HQ: 2:173).

Missconnection Quotes!

“There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome."
"And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody."
"And yours," he replied with a smile, "is wilfully to misunderstand them.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
― George Bernard Shaw

“We're all born with selfish desires, so we can all relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is something made individually by each person...so it's easy to misunderstand when others are trying to be kind to you.”
― Natsuki Takaya

“True rebels hate their own rebellion. They know by experience that it is not a cool and glamorous lifestyle; it takes a courageous fool to say things that have not been said and to do things that have not been done.”
― Criss Jami


“How often, you wonder, has the direction of your life been shaped by such misunderstandings? How many opportunities have you been denied--or, for that matter, awarded--because someone failed to see you properly? How many friends have you lost, how many have you gained, because they glimpsed some element of your personality that shone through for only an instant, and in circumstances you could never reproduce? An illusion of water shimmering at the far bend of a highway.”
― Kevin Brockmeier

“It's dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”
― L.M. Montgomery

“We're all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.”
― Rudyard Kipling

“As soon as we start putting our thoughts into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good—I use it because I have to, but I don’t put any trust in it. We never understand each other.”
― Marcel Duchamp

“They have the unique ability to listen to one story and understand another.”
― Pandora Poikilos

“In a language as idiomatically stressed as English, opportunities for misreadings are bound to arise. By a mere backward movement of stress, a verb can become a noun, an act a thing. To refuse, to insist on saying no to what you believe is wrong, becomes at a stroke refuse, an insurmountable pile of garbage.”
― Ian McEwan

“As if on cue, Fiona appeared in another of the ballroom's multiple doorways. 'Beatrice! Oliver! How many times have I told you no skating in the house? I just had these floors refinished.'
'So that's why it's extra slippery today,' mused Oliver. 'Cool.”
― Jennifer Sturman

“He built up a situation that was far enough from the truth. It never occurred to him that Helen was to blame. He forgot the intensity of their talk, the charm that had been lent him by sincerity, the magic of Oniton under darkness and of the whispering river. Helen loved the absolute. Leonard had been ruined absolutely, and had appeared to her as a man apart, isolated from the world. A real man, who cared for adventure and beauty, who desired to live decently and pay his way, who could have travelled more gloriously through life than the Juggernaut car that was crushing him.”
― E.M. Forster

Why do nice people cheat?

Dan Marino, Hall of Fame quarterback, husband of 28 years and champion of autism awareness, cheated on his wife and fathered a child in 2005 with a CBS employee. Marino has always been seen as a clean-cut family man. In addition to four children, he adopted two daughters, and as a result of raising his own autistic son, developed the Dan Marino Autism Center.

Finding out that he cheated and fathered a daughter begs the age old questions: How can someone seemingly so good do something so bad? Can good people cheat? Statistics vary, but it’s assumed that 50 percent of men cheat. In my own study of over 400 women, 39 percent admitted to physically cheating on their husbands.

So why is cheating so rampant? We crave emotional connection. In my study, only seven percent of cheating men said they were after the sex as compared to 48 percent who reported it was the desire for emotional connection that drove the impropriety. Eighty-eight percent of cheaters said the mistress was not better looking or in better shape than their wives. It is just not as simple as wanting sex.

Most cheating occurs after he’s formed some close friendship with the woman with whom he will eventually cheat. When men feel emotionally disconnected at home, too many make the horrifying choice to find it somewhere else instead of working to reconnect with their wives. Often, they too are surprised at how their emotional friendship turned into something deeper and physical when that was not their original intention.

We don’t protect our marriages. Chemistry is powerful, and people are deeply searching for companionship and love. When a couple is not actively engaged in nurturing their marital love, they risk danger. Not that cheating is ever justified; it is an ugly choice. But the similar desire to be actively in love has driven us to marry, and sadly, can drive many to look outside their marriage for that love as well.

This is why men must be careful not to even allow close friendships to form with other women. They might say it’s fair game, but we need to be developing closer connections in our home, not away from it.

If you have found yourself enjoying another woman’s friendship, you need to ask yourself things like: when have I laughed like that, or had a great discussion, or had a fun time, or had a great meal, et cetera, with my wife? Typically, it’s been too long, and it’s time to bring that energy home and work to renew your loving connection.

The world of sports and movies create a recipe for cheating. The lives of these powerful men take them away from their spouses for weeks and months at a time. These men are idolized and offered adoration by women at every stop. These men have handlers that support the belief that they are great and loved by everyone. They begin to believe that they can do anything and all will approve. These combinations create fertile ground for broken marriages.

The answers to protecting your marriage from cheating lie in making your marriage successful. Keep in mind what it takes to be successful in every other part of life: time, focus and loving work. Our marriages need the same ingredients, and if we feel our love is faltering, that’s the time to go to our spouse and discuss how to fix it.

It might seem easier – at the moment – to start a relationship elsewhere, but no cheater has ever told me he’s happy it happened. Every cheater regrets it. He might have been heading for divorce anyway, but he never feels good about what he did to his family when he chose to cheat.

Even a Dan Marino can do so much good and cheat. But until he worked as hard on his marriage as he did on being a great quarterback and dad, he risked his loving home. Our marriages are to be cherished, and if we aren’t reminded every now and then of why we love our spouse, it’s time to work harder – like every other part of life that we wish to never let go of.


By Guest Contributor M. Gary Neuman, FoxNewsMagazine

Eight Things No One Tells You About Getting a Divorce

Even when ending your marriage is the right choice, it’s still hard — and not always in the way that you expect it to be. We all know that about half of marriages end in divorce, but not a single one of us ever thinks it will happen to us — which is why it can feel all the more unreal and heartbreaking when it does. In those early days, especially, it’s easy to feel like you won’t get through the next hour — let alone the whole day. Here’s what we wish we’d known.


1. You’re Braver Than You Know

You’re going to hear a lot of people telling you that you’re taking the easy way out and that you should suck up all the hurt and sadness because you took vows or because it’s better for the kids. Ignore them. It takes a huge amount of courage to stand up and demand a better life for yourself, your kids, and, yes, even your ex. Making a change is always harder than sticking with the status quo, so be proud of yourself. As for the kids: They deserve to have happy parents who can actually be present for them — and they deserve the chance to see what a healthy relationship looks like so they have a shot at having one someday, too.

2. Telling the Kids Will Be One of the Hardest Moments in Your Life…and You’ll Have to Explain It More Than Once

When it’s time to tell the kids, share the news together. Try not to demean or blame each other. And if it’s within your means, get advice ahead of time from a therapist. How the children react will, of course, depend on their age and temperament, but be prepared for anger, tears, screaming or even silence. They may blame one of you outright (rightly or wrongly). They may blame themselves (the hardest). And if they’re older toddlers or young preschoolers, there’s a good chance they’re not going to get it right away. Which means you’ll have some version of this conversation again and again.


3. Once News is Out, People Will Tell You They’ve Had a Bad Feeling About Him for Eons

You’ll ask them why they never said anything before. They’ll say, “Oh, you know, I didn’t feel like it was my place,” or “I didn’t think it would change anything…you were so in love with him.” Both may be perfectly true, but having this information now isn’t helpful or supportive. Feel free to say as much.

4. Friends Will Disappear and/or Take Sides

Obviously, you enter every relationship with your friends and his friends, and when you split, your people go with you. What’s harder is dealing with friendships you genuinely shared. For a while, you may still see each other solo, but as time goes on, some of those relationships will fade. Divorce makes people uncomfortable, and sometimes, it’s easier for them not to be around it. As unfair as that is and as hard as it may be to let go, it may be for the best. Surround yourself with people can see you for you — divorce and all.

5. You May Cry Spontaneously (And That’s Okay)

The trigger could be anything: A family walking down the street. A pregnant woman. A co-worker announcing her engagement. Or the fact that the dumb cable people are three hours late and why can’t something just go right?! Go ahead and let it out. You’ll feel better. And look, there are some things you might just not feel like doing for a while, especially if it involves celebrating someone’s marriage or baby. Try to go anyway. Yes, you’ll need to put your game face on but your friends, who’ve been there for you, still need you there for them.


6. You Must Find Ways to Be Kind to Yourself


Divorce comes with a tremendous amount of guilt, and it’s going to be very, very easy to blame yourself for, well, pretty much everything. Number one: It’s not all your fault. Nobody chooses to end a marriage unless they’ve wrung their heart dry with trying. So as you move forward and try to take care of everything and everyone else, remember to take care of yourself. Spend time with friends. Go for walks. Splurge on a spa day. And if you’re really struggling, don’t hesitate to see a therapist. Getting a totally objective point of view can be incredibly validating and reassuring.


7. Seeing Your Kids on a Schedule Will Feel Completely Wrong

And then you’ll all get used to the new normal. Whether you opt for 50/50 custody or a more traditional see-Dad-on-the-weekend schedule, there are going to be days in your week when you don’t get to put your child to bed or be there to wake him up. (Some clueless people will say, “Oh, but at least you get a built-in break!” Once again, ignore them. This is not the way you hoped to get a break from your kids.) You’ll miss them and the house will feel empty, but after a while the schedule simply becomes life.

8. You Will Eventually Want to Date. And It Will Be Weird, But Insanely Fun

Without even realizing it, your vibe is going to change. You may be out with a few friends and suddenly find yourself talking with a guy. And flirting. And depending on how many drinks you’ve had, perhaps making out like a couple of college kids. Yes, you of the two kids and minivan and “broken marriage.” And why not?! Be a kissing bandit for while. Go out on lots of dates. Be responsible and safe, but have tons of fun and enjoy the attention.

9 signs that you are with the one!

Can you ever really know whether you’ve met “the one”? Unfortunately, there isn’t a foolproof litmus test, but you can be fairly confident in your relationship if you notice these nine signs that are cha
racteristic of a really special connection between two people.

1) You’re Not Chasing the Relationship’s Potential

Many people have romantic relationships fraught with obstacles. On a basic level, the relationship is satisfactory, but there always seems to be something standing in the way of true happiness: a stressful job, an annoying ex, a distasteful habit. Both people feel that once the obstacle is removed, they’ll be truly content together.

Unfortunately, relationships don’t work that way. Once the problem is resolved, another one pops up. And—surprise!—the couple is still unhappy.

What people may not realize is that if they are waiting for true happiness in their relationship, then they are in the wrong relationship. Landing a better job may make life easier financially, but no amount of money will help two people who just aren’t a good fit for each other.

The truth is, a happy, well-adjusted couple doesn’t have to chase what could be or should be. A good relationship just is.


2) Who You Are Is Good Enough

You know you’ve met the one when your partner loves you for who you are. We know it sounds pretty cliché, but like all clichés, it’s true. “The One’s” admiration of you is so powerful that it’s almost as if he or she is awestruck by your very presence. He takes great pride in the choices you’ve made. She finds you smart, sexy, fun to be with, and so on. You never have to try to impress “The One” because you’ve already done that by just being you.


3) You Manage Conflict Well

Let’s say we have two couples that have been together for the same amount of time. Couple A fights regularly. Couple B has never argued in the history of their relationship. Which couple do you think a relationship counselor would say is at greater risk?

That’s right: Couple B. Upon closer examination, you’ll find that someone in the relationship—perhaps both parties—isn’t being forthcoming. Someone’s needs and wants aren’t being voiced and therefore aren’t being addressed.

Couple A, on the other hand, makes it a point to bring up topics that are bothersome or dissatisfying within the relationship. This couple regularly engages in respectful, healthy conflict—without insults or throwing things—and comes out the other side a stronger couple that gains a deeper understanding of one another with each conflict they resolve together. How much a couple fights isn’t the issue, unless they don’t fight at all. It’s how a couple manages conflicts that determines how well the relationship works.

4) The Mundane Is Suddenly Interesting

If you’re spending time with someone who really is “The One,” then you probably want to pay attention to even the smallest details of his or her life. Specifics from his work interest you, stories about his childhood hold your attention, and even old photos or home movies fascinate you.

When this happens, then this person is likely much more to you than a ship passing in the night.


5) There’s Minimal Drama—or None at All

Like we said above when we talked about conflict, even the healthiest relationships deal with their share of arguments. So when we say that there’s not a lot of drama in your relationship, we don’t mean that the two of you never fight.

But when you do, you do your best to fight fair. You admit when you’re wrong, you listen to each other, you acknowledge one another’s good points, and you apologize when you cross lines. It’s not that you have to be perfect, but if this person is “The One,” then you are at least trying to make your conflict work for your relationship rather than against it.

So if you two are dealing with constant drama, where one of you is trying to create high emotions to manipulate the other or where there’s constant turbulence without some sort of resolution, then be careful about fully committing to the relationship at this point. High drama is a definite red flag when it comes to long-term relationship success.

6) Your Friends and Family See What You See

If the people who love you the most are begging you to get away from someone, then that person’s probably not the one for you. On the other hand, if the people you trust also see what you see in this person and encourage the relationship, then that’s a good sign that you two may belong together.

Of course, sometimes your friends and family may choose someone for you whom you haven’t chosen. They may push for a relationship that you have no interest in pursuing. In these cases, it’s not always wise to follow their advice.

But if you’re falling in love with someone whom the people in your life want you to be with, then there’s a good chance that this may be the real deal.


7) You Know How to Make Them Happy


When there’s a deep connection between two people, they each know what the other wants and needs. So ask yourself this question about the person in your life: Do you know what it takes to make him or her happy? Think about minor, moment-by-moment issues, like where that person likes to eat and what kind of back rub he or she enjoys.

Additionally, think about larger matters as well: Do you know how to help her relieve stress? Can you get her to talk about her dreams and visions for the future? When she’s struggling at work or with a family issue, can you help her come through the storm and find the sun again? And, just as important, does your partner know how to do this for you as well? If so, that’s another reason to believe that you’ve found “The One.”


8) You Have the Same Life Priorities


Opposites may attract, but they rarely make for a good long-term relationship. Compatibility really is key when it comes to creating a deep and lasting connection between two people.

For example, if you want to begin preparing for the future and building toward certain life and career goals, but your partner mainly wants to make enough money so that he or she can party this weekend, then you two are probably working with fairly different priorities.

And the opposite it is true, too: If your priorities match up well, then you two have a much better chance of long-term happiness and fulfillment together.


9) You Respect the Person Deeply


Mutual respect is crucial for a healthy relationship. Without that respect, there’s simply no way to create and build a secure foundation so that you can enjoy all of the benefits of a deep and strong relationship.

But when you respect your partner and he or she respects you, the relationship has a strong chance at thriving, and all the aspects of your connection blossom. The communication improves. The commitment deepens. The trust multiplies. The satisfaction level goes through the roof.

And that all begins with a mutual respect that emerges because you like each other and because you appreciate the way you live your individual lives.

So as you try to figure out whether you’ve found “The One,” take a look at this list. If you can check off each of the above items, then you owe it to yourself to allow the relationship to become all that it can possibly be.

Missconnection between friends

Has this ever happened to you? A friend you hadn’t spoken to in a while and you accidentally run into each other. You’ll look at each other for a moment, wondering whether you should talk or not, cast awkward glances and go about your business. It’s funny how two friends who were once inseparable can become complete strangers, isn’t it?

Friendship is perhaps one of the most beautiful relat­ionships that two people can share. Friendship is about sharing opinions, dreams, fears, aspirations and hopes. Friendship is about engaging conversations, which go on and on and make you lose track of time. Friendship is about cherishing old memories of togetherness and creating new ones everyday. When you watch friends hanging out and having a great time, it seems as if they just belong together. However, maintaining a friendship is not always rosy. It requires a sound mutual understanding with lots and lots of love and care for each other.

Often when you see people who were once very close and have later moved on to part ways, you think what could’ve gone so terribly wrong between them that they can’t even stand each other? Can a friendship that starts with a ‘no sorry, no thank you’ rule and reaches the ‘friends forever’ stage end on a bitter note? The reasons for a broken friendship might be many, but most often when people look back at their broken friendships, they regret them. If you have ever lost a friend due to a petty fight or any other differences, then just read through these quotes about broken friendship . You might want to give your friendship another shot.

What does the Bible say about Friendship?

“A man that hath friends must show himself friendly” (Prov. 18: 24). Some are too distant to form friendships. There is great value in friendship. “Two are better than one,” wrote the wise man (Eccl. 4: 9). A true friend will stand by, even in times of trouble. “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,” the Bible says (Prov. 17: 17). To the converse, the Bible speaks of false friends when it warns, “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint” (Prov. 25: 19). There are some people that are not desired to be friends. For instance, “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go” (Prov. 22: 24). A true friend will tell us when we are wrong. Hear the Bible, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Prov. 27: 6). Genuine friends must be cherished and not forsaken (Prov. 27: 10).

Personally, I would never have guessed that two of my best friends and I would come to so much of a disagreement that we no longer be friends. At the time that this is being written, that friendship hangs in the balance. Majority of the world does not know who I am or my principles that I abide by. One principle I abide by is friendship and the reason why is explained in the previous 3 paragraphs.

So why are we at odds with one another now? Well one reason is because I personally enjoy having drinks among them in a social setting. I think that is the best thing in the world to enjoy between friends and it happens each weekend.  It just so happens that from their perspective, I have more than what my limit can handle.  And that is okay with me because they are entitled to their opinion. In the midst of that, I also talk to plenty of people and majority of these people are strangers. Unfortunately I talk to people that they are uncomfortable with me talking to which again, personally I am okay with that. In their eyes, I am wrong but in mine, I am being social.  Where do they find wrongdoing, that I am  unable to tell you.  In my perspective, I know my limit and I am well aware of what I am doing and who I am talking to because I am comfortable with me. I know me, how my mind operates, my intentions, and nobody should have to explain that to another person especially friends. Friends should know one another to a point where they should never have to question the other. They could ask out of concern which is care and that is very much highlighted in my opinion. But after that question has been answered, it should no longer become a concern. Again that’s just my opinion. Now I could explain their actions, habits, and probably others but its not my place to put that information out there nor pass judgement on them.

How things may fair out in the end, that is left to be unanswered at this time but I do want to leave you all with some sayings or tips that you can take with you:

Recognize what is petty and what is not petty as to avoid conflict.
Moving on is simple; what you leave behind, that makes it difficult.
A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument.  A real friend knows that it’s not a friendship until after you’ve had a fight.
A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
You meet people who forget you.  You forget people you meet.  But sometimes you meet those people you can’t forget. Those are your friends.
If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow.  If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder.  If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow.  If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile… But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can rap/sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
Never explain yourself.  Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it. ~ Belgicia Howell
Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding. ~ Sri Chinmoy
Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.
Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. ~ G. Randolf
My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life. ~ Lee Iacocca
Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest.  It’s about who came, and never left your side.
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt.  Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills. ~ Lord Buddha
It is strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise.
The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship. ~ Sir Francis Bacon
We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time.  But even though they may be lost, hope is not.  The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off.  Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on. ~ Amy Marie Walz
Cherish your friends for you never know when they will be gone.  Accept your friends for they are your friends for a reason.  Never neglect them, their thoughts, nor feelings for they will know you are not the one to come to.  Above all always know that if you have no physical friends in this lifetime, you ALWAYS have a friend in Jesus.

In closing, true friendship is one of the great gifts of life. As we saw, man in his friendship with Jesus, must obey Jesus (John 15: 14).

I am Jeremy and I am a friend and there is no love lost on my end.

The miss-connection between Hook-Up Sex, Marital Sex, and Making Love

Did that title get your attention? No, this isn't a "bait and switch!" It really is about the differences between "Hook-Up Sex," "Marital Sex," and "Making Love." I've found that confusion about those differences play out in many of the conflicts people experience in their sexual-romantic relationships, no matter what their ages or kinds of relationships.First, some clarification about what I mean by each term. "Hook-Up Sex" refers to just plain f***ing; that is, a purely physical encounter. "Marital Sex" is the kind of sex life that most committed couples tend to have -- married or not, straight or gay. And "Making Love" is a different kind of experience that transcends both of the other two kinds.That is, the three kinds of sexual relationships occur on different planes, different levels of integration between your physical, animal being, and your relational and spiritual beings. The kind of sexual life you have - and its conflicts - are embedded in the overall relationship you learn and how you "practice" it with your partner. I've described some of these connections in my previous posts on our adolescent model of love, the soul mate, and the positive power of "indifference." Most relationships limit the capacity for "Making Love."

Hook-Up Sex

"You know how there's good sex, great sex, and then really great sex? That's what it was like with her!" With gleaming eyes, Ken was telling me about his latest sexual encounter. He was a 44 year-old trust fund guy who lived with his mother and had never married. He entered therapy because he wanted to learn why he hadn't been able to form a lasting relationship.In Hook-Up Sex you and your partner use each other's bodies for your own pleasure. It can be extremely intense and arousing, especially when you feel lust towards a new partner. There's a place for this kind of sex, but it's also the most primitive, least evolved form of sex. It reflects the purely animal part of being human -- our physiological needs and impulses. We share those with other animal species. From a human standpoint, though, it's mostly void of relationship beyond the physical connection; a form of playing through using each other's bodies.Aside from Ken's deeper emotional issues that he'd never faced or dealt with, another barrier to his forming a relationship was that he had turned sex into a technique-dominated sport. He saw himself as a great lover and, in fact, had become very proficient in Tantric sexual practices. Handsome and charming, he was able to find women eager to participate. Tantric and related practices are, in fact, part of "Making Love," but they can also be misused. Ken's mastery of them had become an end in itself, and they were entirely divorced from human connection, beyond pure sex.He was like a character in Nobel laureate Doris Lessing's novel, The Four-Gated City, a man who had become a master of Tantric sex, but had devolved as a human being. He had no soul-to-soul connection with any of the women he drew into his serial sexual relationships.

Marital Sex

"Dr. LaBier," she said, "I read that women require an average of 14 minutes of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm. Maybe that's the problem - that Tom's just not a good lover." Julie and her husband had descended into what I call a "functional relationship." They didn't have sex much anymore, and when they did it was pretty uninspired. They remained committed to each other, though, and wanted to improve their sex life. Their sex life was an example of what most long-term couples experience, as research and surveys have documented."Marital Sex" reflects a higher plane than "Hook-Up" sex because it includes some degree of emotional connection and intimacy. At least it does at the beginning of the relationship. But what tends to happen is what this couple experienced: Their sex life became entangled with the conflicts and disagreements that had accumulated over the years. They brought all of that into the bedroom with them.For example, Julie didn't talk very openly with Tom about what she wanted, sexually. She carried the residue of shame about revealing her sexual desires, shame that originated in her relationship with her mother. She was dealing with that in therapy, but that shame had joined with a still-existing view in our culture that a woman who expresses herself sexually must be a slut/whore. Moreover, Julie and Tom had descended into the low-level, adversarial power-struggle so typical of the functional relationship. So, learning new sex techniques or acquiring new sexual knowledge wasn't going to elevate their sexual relationship beyond Marital Sex.Sometimes Marital Sex includes a Hook-Up sexual experience - perhaps when on a vacation, or aided by ingesting substances, legal or illegal. And it shares with Hook-Up sex what sex therapist Joseph Kramer calls "balloon sex:" Building up tension, followed by release, mostly focused on the genitals. Nevertheless, Marital Sex is further along the continuum because it includes some degree of emotional, relational connection, in addition to sex. Couples who have Marital Sex like something about each other as people. Or at least they did at one time, when they first got together.That relational connection is both good and bad. The good part is that your relationship is more humanly evolved, and contains the possibility of evolving towards Making Love. The bad part is that all the feelings, conflicts, non-mutual behavior, hiding out and manipulation characteristic of the adolescent model of love can seep into your sex life like a growing virus. For example, withholding sex as punishment, or using it as leverage for manipulating your partner in some way. Or projecting and reenacting all sorts of unresolved family, parental, and sibling issues in your relationship. Michael Vincent Miller described much of this in Intimate Terrorism, about the sex lives of modern couples bound by struggles for possession and power over the other. All of that usually leads to diminished sexual connection over time.In short, couples that have Marital Sex play out in the bedroom everything unspoken and unresolved from outside the bedroom. Julie may have learned how long it takes to reach an orgasm, but she didn't know much about what she and Tom need to do along the way to build a heightened, fulfilling and energized sexual relationship.



Making Love

For most people, their "normal" development into adult relationships cripples their capacity for moving beyond Marital Sex. But integrating what I call Radical Transparency and Words-Into-Actions with specific sexual practices can heighten energy, connection and excitement between partners on all levels of their relationship. Doing that is the path to the most evolved, integrated mind-body-spirit relationship: Making Love.You might think of this as "spiritual sex," but I think that term is too easily equated - mistakenly -- with only ecstatic physical experience. And some recent research indicates that seeking just the experience of transcendent, physical sex can also increase the likelihood of unprotected sex. Instead, envision two partners whose sex life is interwoven with heightened mind, body, and spiritual connection.That is, Tantric and similar Eastern practices like Qi gong will enhance conscious energy flow between partners and that "ego-less" state that people often long for. But your sexual relationship elevates to that higher plane only when you join that energy to the energy that comes from open communication and equality in your daily behavior with your partner. This integration focuses you and your partner on your shared journey through life on this planet, including larger issues about your sense of meaning and purpose in the world. As Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina, "Without knowing what I am and why I am here, life is meaningless."The physical practices that are part of Making Love are aimed at building, increasing, and exchanging the sexual energy of your and your partner's body. They are important pathways to elevating and steadily expanding pleasure throughout your entire body. In contrast to "balloon sex," this form of sex broadens, deepens, expands and sustains arousal and positive tension between you and your partner. Orgasm is no longer the end-state to hurry towards. In fact, Making Love doesn't even have to include genital intercourse. Couples who are unable to or who don't have genital sex are still able to evolve towards the heightened mind-body-spiritual state of Making Love.Most of the sexual techniques share a common core of meditative, breathing, and physical movement exercises with your partner, combined with extended foreplay. They help you let go of your ego-needs -- for example, simply wanting to be given pleasure, or wanting to make your partner experience pleasure.While sexual techniques build and increase energy exchange and flow, the quality and level of arousal and pleasure your and your partner experience sexually depends on the extent to which you're doing building connection and arousal in the other parts of your relationship.That is, when you treat each other as equal human beings within your daily relationship, and you're transparent about your inner life and emotions, you automatically feel more stimulation and excitement with each other. When you feel connected as equals and yet engage each other as separate, distinct individuals as well, that generates new energy and it enhances the sexual energy between the two of you.There are many good sources of information and guidance for building heightened sexual engagement, equality and openness in your relationship - through books, videos and workshops. Some of the most substantial and useful include Margo Anand's guides to Tantric practices; Kenneth Cohen's detailed description of Qi gong sexuality; and Pepper Schwartz's works, including building equality in relationships.I think one of the best descriptions of Making Love is a passage in another of Doris Lessing's works, the allegorical novel The Marriages Between Zones Three, Four, and Five. There, she describes the power of heightened sexual connection when it's equal and reciprocal between two partners. In the story, the man was required to be apart from his new wife, during which time he became "ready" to learn equality and sensuality. Now, they meet again:"He had remembered something entirely blotted from his mind during that enervating month. The light, glancing, inflaming kisses that he had not known how to answer, had gone from his mind. The invitation, the answer and question, the mutual response and counter-response -- none of this had been within the provision of the courtesan Elys, since she had never in her life enjoyed an equal relation with anyone, man or woman.(His wife) came to him, and began to teach him how to be equal and ready in love. It was quite shocking for him, because it laid him open to pleasures he had certainly not imagined with Elys. There was no possible comparison between the heavily sensualities of that, and the changes and answerings of these rhythms. He was laid open not only to physical responses he had not imagined, but worse, to emotions he had no desire at all to feel. He was engulfed in tenderness, in passion, in the wildest intensities that he did not know whether to call pain or delight...and this on and on, while she, completely at ease, at home in her country, took him further and further every moment, a determined, but quiet companion.He could not of course sustain it for long. Equality is not learned in a lesson or two...But even as far as he could stand it, he had been introduced to his potentialities beyond anything he had believed possible. And when they desisted, and he was half relieved and half sorry that the intensitites were over, she did not allow him to sink back again away from the plane of sensitivity they had both achieved. They made love all that night, and all the following day, and they did not stop at all for food, though they did ask for a little wine, and when they had been entirely and thoroughly wedded, so that they could no longer tell through touch where one began and the other ended, and had to look, with their eyes, to find it, they fell into a deep sleep..."Striving for the Making Love type of sexual partnership keeps your relationship alive and growing. Couples who build such a relationship feel enduring connection and sustained passion. Their relationship becomes resilient through all of the changes and challenges that people face along the path of life. And it becomes a portal into continues spiritual evolution, individually and as a couple.

Love is .....

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves (not to love only yourself).

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” 
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are